Finished the fourth stick about to go on the fifth but before I do, I need to type down the thoughts that are rushing inside my head thats about to blow any minute from now.
I want to write a story but I don’t know how to write it down. Once upon a time there was a girl… and then I get stuck there not knowing what to write about the little girl. What about her? What so different, so interesting about her that I even bother to write about. Maybe its her hair, maybe its her eyes, maybe its the way she would move and talk to you about things. Maybe its her choice of men to date or maybe its how she tries to play around with their hearts. Whats so different about her that sets her apart from any other girl that I have met before.
Once upon a time, I met a man and what is with this man? I don’t know, maybe because he’s trapped in a womans body. A curse, he’s in a curse.
Once upon a time there was a curse. A curse between to souls bound to meet somewhere in time but the timing wasn’t right. It wasn’t time yet there they stand in front of each other, making love, uniting without even physically touching each others anatomy.
Random Audience Quotes from THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES 2011
"For the longest time, Raymond Ordoño, as a director and producer has been self-effacing. He feels he has to disappear in the backround to give the cast the limelight. But acceding to a curtain call and a deafening round of applause, he deserves every minute of the full house standing ovation. Five years of mounting TVM is no easy task. So I am one with the feverish audience in rising on my feet and giving a salute to the sound of triumph."
-Orly Cajegas, Critic At Large
"Every year there is always something new to look forward to. There is always a different powerhouse cast of actors, a different monologue, and a different vagina."
-Kristine Roa, StyleCebu.com
"The most brilliant directorial job of Raymond Ordoño. The performances were perfect."
-Marlon Wafer, Wafer Models
"Entertaining. World-class performances. Worth watching without forgetting the very essence of THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES - to educate.
"Cebu’s top stage performers + Crystal Cavalier Productions = A POWERHOUSE CAST WITH POWERHOUSE PERFORMANCES."
-Sven Chua, model
"Amazing, It was my first time to watch it and it was more than worth it. A priceless experience"
"The experience was liberating. It made me realize that there’s more to learn and that we shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to embrace our sexuality. There should be more shows like THE VAGINA MONOLOGES."
-Lori Calaycay, University of San Carlos
"THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES brings you another meaning of loving your body, understanding yourself, and respect for others. It shows women are equal to men, not accesories. Go vaginas!
-Patrick Rizarri, DJ and RCTV Host
"The show was not only entertaining but also very informative. Listening to the monologue about the comfort women brought tears to my eyes. I could just imagine the pain and suffering they went through just to survive."
-Jocelyn Briones-Avila, Executive Assistant to Councilor Raul Alcoseba
"It was my second time to watch THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES in Cebu. I thought the first time was the best, this is even better. It will be a huge challenge to top that next year."
-Charlie Manatad, Charlie Manatad Designs Oslo and New York
"Charlene Virlouvet made ‘nasty’ words such as CUNT sound elegant. She doesn’t just get damp when she immerses herself in a role, she gets wet!"
"Expressive, informative, and amusing! Heartbreaking but educating."
-Francis Eric Bicar, Registered Nurse
”The 2011 cast of THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES outshone and outdid themselves. Irene Francisco’s “My Angry Vagina” almost literally threw me out of my seat. I enjoyed every word she delivered.”
-Yves Camingue, Yves Identify
"An eye-opener and it tells us that a vagina is not just a thing, it has feelings too. It knows how to be happy, sad, and angry. We have to love, take care, and take pride of having one, not for any man’s enjoyment, but for our own."
Last night our director texted us to gather random audience reaction regarding the Vagina Monologues, I was asleep the whole day so I was not able to ask any of my friends who watched for their reaction.
Today I opened my facebook and saw this…. I know Yves and I was not expecting that he would specifically commend my piece and my performance. =) Thank you so much Yves and once again congratulation to our director Ray, to the casts and crew of this year’s Vagina Monologues we all deserve the standing ovation.
If you’ve noticed my previous posts, you can sense that I’m carrying a dark cloud. Past few weeks have been emotional and difficult but at the same time liberating.
Liberating in a sense that I am able to realize my faults and have the courage to take responsibility of owning it as my fault. Liberating in a way that I am somehow secured that I have great friends who would never abandon me and are always looking for my best interest. Those who have learned to accept who I am and my extreme personality. That there are those who believes in me, who has put their hopes in me, those who are proud to be call me their friend. I feel blessed that even if I have garnered thousands of fine-weathered friend and acquaintances, I am able to count more than 10 friends who I know loves me and accepts me for what I am and what I’m not.
I was sad a couple of weeks because of a falling out with one of my bestfriends and although I’ve had a lot of falling outs still every falling out hurts like hell. There are those happy that it happened, that may include her, but what I know is that things they happen for a reason and I’d like to believe that it happened because of a better reason that hopefully in time we or I will understand.
She doesn’t write or really express her feelings but she wrote me a note a few months back and I decided to read it again, surprisingly I didn’t feel anything negative. I felt happy that we met, we shared a lot of things and that I miss her.
Time heals all wounds. And I wouldn’t know what will happen next with our friendship, I wouldn’t even want to know.. Life is full of surprises.. just like how our friendship started and how it somehow clicked. Beautiful surprises. Sometimes big blessings are hidden or wrapped in ugly wrappers (I’m talking about ugly experiences).
Right now the love of people who really care for me gives me hope and strength that I can overcome every frustration, shortcomings and nasty things that people do to get to me.
It is true when a professor told me that I’m too old to burn bridges and I hope there are those who realize that. And I’m talking about those who choose to take sides instead of meeting us in the middle. But I’ve learned to accept that those things happen..
So I’m better now and getting better. I owe it to those who continuously push me never to give up, for those who love me and most especially to myself.
Yey!!! :) although I missed some of the lines or might have skipped it, they said I nailed it! Wweeeeee!! :) My morning started a bit off but Chai was the angel. Life is definitely full of surprise, a complete stranger turning ur bad day into a good one, without him knowing it. :)
I couldn’t be more thankful for this day, my friends who came to watch and give their support, my theater family, my parents who went to watch my show, the casts especially charlene, jett and the rest who kept on encouraging me, ray for keeping my confidence and believing that I can do this.
Ahhh I feel like I won something hahaha forgive, right now I just feel like a firework, just like in katy perry’s song. I feel like taylor swift or maybe that number one fan to taylor swift whose watching her idol’s concert right now feeling like she died and went to heaven!
I’m typing this as the show is going on, its about to end, 2-3 more monologues and its curtain call. This is prolly the highlight of my 2011 and just like year, more good things are coming my way! I know it, I just believe it! :)
I said that 2010 was awesome but 2011 will be amazing, its going to be! :D
I got that feeling again. You know, that heavy feeling you get, but you just have no idea why. You want to say something, anything, but nothing’s coming out. No matter how hard you try to find the right words. When you’re lying in bed, so tired but can’t sleep. Cause you know there are only two things that would help. And the first doesn’t give a shit anymore. So you just have to lie there, and wait for the tears to come out.
Helpless, it’s gonna get us before we get this, I wanna kiss you goodbye.
I miss you now - Stereophonics
One last sip of sadness before i blow it away.
Chased by sleep, who am I not to surrender? I’ve been running after it for quite sometime now.
So off I am to some world where nothing is real and nothing seems to last. Where everything else is fleeting, a passer-by’s haven. The only place, the safe place for someone who wants to be away without getting anywhere.
It’s 4 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I want to talk to someone but no one is around and I don’t know who to call, who wouldn’t mind talking to someone who doesn’t know what to talk about. Wait, well I know what I wanna talk about but I’m to embarrassed because I’m too afraid to be judged at. People are just gonna say the same thing, it’s gonna be okey, you’re too much drama, it’s not a big deal, yadiyadiyadiya. Honestly, I like talking to space because I can say whatever I want without feeling guilty that I feel this way. I maybe sad because of shallow things, I may be hurting over something that is nothing but it’s still sadness, little or big, valid or not still it hurts the same. The only downside to space is that it can’t hug you back. I just want a hug, a long tight hug cause hugs they make you feel warm and make you feel better. Oftentimes, hugs send out the message better than some empty words like, it’s gonna be okey. You know how sometimes people say things that they don’t mean? It’s sad and hurting. You know how sometimes people say it’s okey just so you’ll shut up?
My 90210 download is taking forever, 15 more minutes.
I like to talk to strangers makes you feel like you’re talking to space. You can tell them everything all at once and not worry if they’re going to like you or not besides tomorrow you probably wouldn’t remember each others names, only the parts of that person’s story or a part of your conversation that made you realize either that you’re not alone feeling the same way or that such thing is even possible. I like stories, I like listening and telling them. It’s like sharing a part of you, your dreams, your fantasies, your thoughts, your mind and your heart.
Yes 2 more minutes till download will complete.
You see, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but I’m hoping its something that is called courage, courage to accept things that I cannot change and that one genuine hope that better things are coming my way. Cause right now I’m lost and I’ve lost trust and hope with almost everything or everyone.
Okey download complete.
I’ll stop here, I feel a lot better and I what I should do right now is to find all possible means to keep my mind busy with things. I should do that. I need a new environment.
I disabled my facebook account because I feel like its too crowded. I don’t know when I’ll put it back up but it won’t be anytime soon.
The past few days have been difficult and I don’t know when its gonna be better, so far its not but I’m hanging on to the thought that soon it will be. I just need to figure something out to battle my sadness or I will end up where I was a few years back. I don’t wanna be that way anymore but sometimes no matter how much you try not to feel, its still there, it lingers. I’m touched that some of my friends and some acquaintances have shown some support and love but they can only do so much. I’m in a state of grief, I don’t know which stage I am but I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to cross through the process alive and still sane.
They say change is what is constant in this world but why do some people say that they can’t change because thats how they are? Just a thought.
I really have to find a way to get that statement, I’ve got too much expenses.
The vagina monologues will be on Saturday, I haven’t entirely memorized the whole thing but I’m keeping it positive that I would be able to pull it off. Just have to.
Oh and I already have a dress for the vagina monologues, just thinking of shoes. whatever doesn’t matter.
Ahhh reunited with chloe, harold and mikmiks. So I’m thinking if I should come back to live in the mabolo house. The mabolo house is conducive for gimicks cause its near everything and transportation is easy. There’s nothing much to do here so I end up hanging out with friends. So what to do what to do. Going back to the darkside?
If there is one thing I’ve learned about friendship today is, you let your friend so whatever she wants to do, if its makes her happy then let it be, you don’t have to tell him/her that’s it’s wrong, but keeping silent and letting her/him be doesn’t mean you agree to with his/her actions. And by the end of the day she/he realizes that you’re right. What’s important is that you’re still around to help her out.
Because I’ve always had this ‘motherly nature’ to protect the people I love from doing something they’re about to regret or something that is wrong, I tend to over do it which results to my friends getting suffocated with me. Yeah, bad habits. And although my intention is good, well sometimes good things doesn’t come unpunished and too much of something does have bad effects.
I knew this all along but someone had to remind me again. Thanks kna, you’re awesome and thanks for making me laugh.. Better than chicken soup.
and to that person who in somehow I have hurt, I’m sorry because it was unnecessary, you’re right but I’m also sorry that I’m not entirely sorry because it was necessary for me to stop, step out of the box and take a breather, just so to realize how important you are to me.
I don’t want anything to change between us, I don’t know if its possible to stay the same way like how we treated each other before but I guess if there are changes its the consequences I have to face. I do not regret what I did cause I’m reminded again of what’s essential to me and to relationships that I have.
What I do know is good friendships and real ones are tested and they never give up, they stay through the rough times and I really hope that you don’t give up on me.
So lately I’ve been irritable with no apparent reason or maybe with so many things but you know what something happened today that might completely change my mood.
I have this friend, she’s amazing and I wish I could enumerate in details how amazing she is.. I’ve known her for awhile and I thought I had her figured out but she opened something that totally shocked me and amazed me at the same time.
Now I understand that a bad deed of a person should not define who he or she is. Again, maybe a bad deed isn’t something that is totally destructive.
I’m happy that I had that conversation with her. She gained my high respect because of that. :) so basically I understand why beautiful people are so drawn and are in love with you.
Also, out of boredom, the bbms and I decided to do a dry run on the 5-6pm show next week i- the afternoon renegade radio. Oh I also decided to swap slots with rubie since she has problems with going home too late and I have problems with coming in for my 12-1pm show. As I was saying, I did invite the bbms to join me on air and talk about anything that involves men, ala boys night out only I’m a girl. So there are a lot things about men that I learned earlier, like how true it is that its okey if girls text them first because it saves them effort to do the first move. The hour show wasn’t enough and I think we’ll be doing this as a once a week show, every friday. So what should we call the segmet? Dude talk? Haha
7254.) I loved you. And I still love you, even though I said I didn't. But I know it doesn't matter because you have someone new, and you and I are just friends now. I hate how you roam my head at night, though, when I remember all the times we spent together. And when I see our videos, the sound of your voice breaks my heart.
Sheesh I know its rude but I can’t help it. I’m in class and my professor is discussing about libelous statements but I still feel blank, blank as in fill in the blank. I don’t know how I really feel, mixed actually, I’m angry, disappointed, tired, hungover, empty, sad, confused and the list goes on. I still don’t want to talk to people, I just want to have hanzy by my side. She’s like my walking tranquilizer, like how swanie balances me. This is serious, this overwhelming run of emotions is too much. I feel like exploding, I even want to cry it out or I’ll end up bitching at someone, which will only make me a terrible being. Terrible, yes, I feel terrible.
I want to vomit, the alcohol in my body and these toxic feelings… Or people or ionno.
Ahhh word and thought vomit.
I guess what I really want to say is this, I’m just disappointed with so many things right now, gets me frustrated. I hate the thought of people losing faith in people but right now I can’t help but just complete lose hope and faith. Guess its the price to pay for expecting.
Hi I’m back. I just want to say that the place is playing diskoral songs and it’s really irritating. I think I’m about to get buzzed. Goooo… It’s only 3 of us drinking a pitcher of iced tea and tanduay. Oh, I don’t really want a hangover tomorrow. It’s a good thing that moi-moi and dane passed by so I’d shut-up and talk to space. Haha I’m so weird tonight right? Ahhhh..
I’m in mcdo right now, feeling kinda blah. Mcdo is playing sad songs, which is not helpful with the kind of mood I’m in right now. I’m waiting for the boys, they’re late! But I don’t mind waiting cause I don’t feel like drinking. What I really want to do right now is just sit in one corner and stare blankly in space. Oh wait, plong-plong just arrived. I feel bad that after months of not seeing each other, they’ll end up getting bored with me because I don’t feel like socializing or talking to anybody. I just want to talk to space or to anything that isn’t human.
okey so they’re here. Plong-plong looks good now that he gained some weight. RV’s look the same.
Before I came here, I asked for a sign and holy, I got the answer. Red! Uh-oh.
So here it is, I need to talk even if I don’t feel like it.
Yenyen we miss you here.
“Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell a jerk what you think. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Live life. Regret nothing.”—(via mols) (via blogconfession)
Some of you might have heard of the song Scientist by Coldplay. Most of you that have heard of it might have loved how melancholic the melody is or how beautiful the lyrics are but I’m guessing half of those who have heard of the song must not have felt the emotion from where this song is coming from. We all have different interpretation of a song and it’s lyrics but here’s mine…
Song talks about a relationship that runs in circles. Like that feeling in your life when days, months, years have passed by, people coming in and out in your life, you change cars, you change clothes, you travel, you change lovers but somehow you feel like you’re still stuck at the same place. To make it sound simpler, imagine your self inside a rotating glass door but you never get out from the rotating glass door, you just keep on turning around cause you’re probably too afraid of either entering or exiting and those people who come in and out of the rotating glass door those represent the people, places and things that come in and out of your life.
So what’s the point? ummm I don’t really know what my point it, I think my thoughts are overflowing right now, I need to vomit some out before my brain explodes.
So yeah, let me say something that makes a bit sense….
When something important or someone you love bids farewell, may it be cause of death or just because they have to move on with their lives and you see yourself having a hard time to move on… it’s okey. You don’t easily get over something that means to you, in fact you sometimes need to mourn for it. Some people go through the stages of death.. DABDA. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression then Acceptance.. some takes months, some takes year, some even take it to their grave (which I suggest you do not do) but again, it’s okey. No one can dictate what our heart truly feels anyway. So yeah let’s take it back to what I was talking about cause I might talk about another thing again…
I guess what im trying to say is that acceptance and moving on is not similar to ‘getting used to it’, when you feel like you’re just getting used to the difference and the change, you never get to move on cause a part of that something or someone stays in or with you. When you accept or when you start to move on, you have to let go of everything and when I mean everything… I say everything… even the good memories… and make sure to embrace the fact that you are ready to replace what he/she/it took from you with a new one that is coming your way.
Getting over. It’s like curing an addiction, you need to be somewhere far away from things and people that may lead you back to your addiction. Letting go, its the hardest part especially when you’re to afraid of changes. What I hate about change is that feeling that everything else has and you’re still there stuck not knowing which direction to take, of which path to decide. I hate that somehow I’m always stuck in the past, not believing that there’s something in the future that’s better to come. That’s the sad part about being me, about people who are too attached.. About people who are too pussy to even want to embrace change. Change is hard, change needs a lot of effort, change is like having to gamble again with what’s usually left with you after a loss.
But there’s gotta be a point in life when you just have to decide to finally throw in the towel and bid farewell to maybe good things of the past and just let it stay there.. Some good things never last is a quote that I hate, I think good things last forever, if it ended its because its never good at all.
acceptance, it takes awhile, some take years but it happens not because you got used to the changes or the differences but because deep in your heart you’re ready. The wounds could have healed a bit, the anger has subsided, you just wake up one day and realise that there’s no need to make an effort to forget, get angry or distract yourself, it happens.. Naturally and sometimes with you not knowing it.
Is this the end of the moment Or just a beautiful unfolding Of a love that will never be? Or maybe be Everything that I never thought could happen Or ever come to pass and I wonder If maybe Maybe I could be All you ever dreamed, cause you are
Beautiful inside So lovely and I Cant see why I’d do anything without you, you are And when I’m not with you I know that it’s true That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you
Is this a natural feeling Or is it just me bleeding All my thoughts and dreams In hope that you will be with me or Is this a moment to remember Or just a cold day in December? I wonder If maybe Maybe I could be All you ever dreamed, cause you are
Beautiful inside So lovely and I Can’t see why I’d do anything without you, you are And when I’m not with you I know that it’s true That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you
Is this the end of the moment Or just a beautiful unfolding Of a love that will never be For you and me?
Cause you are You’re beautiful inside You’re so lovely and I Can’t see why I’d do anything without you, you are And when I’m not with you, I know that it’s true That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you